My apparent best friend is dating the boy she knew I liked for 2 years, and who I still have some feelings for. This boy is going to college in 13 days. He finally started talking to me a lot just before they began dating. Now, he’s obsessed with her, and I’m never going to say what I need to say to him before he goes away. I’m happy for them, but I’m also extremely upset. Thanks, best friend.
thats some tough shit.
Mary anne’s birthday.
its literally her birthday.
but i celebrated mary janes instead. uahahahaha
fuck.
oh man. this looks like the retina. and thats the focal point.
When all signs direct me to go for it
I’LL FUCKING GO FOR IT.
Its almost like this path happened to fall into my lap. For so long. i’ve been looking for some direction. because i’ve been pushed. and pulled. by the people who tell me what to do. and that was the way i lived.
i felt like i had the rug pulled from under me when i didn’t get into the business school. i was lost. because it made sense for me to go into business. i was good at math. i was good at writing. i mean i AM good at those things. i excelled in those subjects. Then all of a sudden i sucked? I didn’t know what to do anymore. my family kept pushing me to go into nursing. take care of them when im older. or go be an engineer, any engineer! bc with that degree i could get any job! or go into biology! and they kept pulling me away from going into psychology, or art or english. dead end degrees. bull shit degrees. but subjects that i was most interested in. I kept praying to god. to just tell me what to do. asking him what am i suppose to FUCKING do.
On the flipside of things, i realized that i was back at square one. right where i started after i graduated from highschool. Uncertain of what i wanted. But it was a chance for me to start over again. This time on my own. making my own decisions. no one telling me what to do. I went with psychology. because i love learning about the brain. how it works. how people think. how people learn, adapt, react, how people are disfunctional, how people are not perfect. how people cope based on how they grew up. It was… relieving. to be able to do something on my own. to make this decision and have it not be the wrong decision. but i still had my doubts. like where was i gonna go with this? if i were to go into therapy, would i be good at this? what are the necessary steps do take on this path? i got my shit together real quick and got into psych as fast as i could. because i did NOT want to waste another fucking year on useless classes. Things started to fall right into place. like i was meant to do this. like… it was all laid out for me all this time. I took up an internship to earn credit for a class. During that quarter, i researched about careers in psychology and found art therapy. i instantly thought this was it. that was the career for me. and Then i was like FUCK. why didn’t my parents push me to do art more. i would have been so good by now. im still bitter about that. But anyway, i took this new idea and i ran with it. the next quarter i signed up for an art class. i was going to take it at UW. but it got full because i forgot to wake up to register for it. so i signed up at the community college. i wanted to get into drawing because i had that same teacher for painting and liked the way he taught. btu i couldn’t get in so i stuck with painting 102. And its a good thign i did. because the second week of class, the teacher told us there was a guest artist at edmonds doing a lecture about what he does and his methods in art therapy. WEIRD RIGHT? this information just happens to fall into my lap. out of the art classes i could have taken at UW or at EDCC, i chose THIS one. and this art class happened to lead me to this extra credit lecture. at first i wasn’t going to go. because i ahd class. and i had work. but then i thoguht to myself, this opportunity has presented itself to me. this lecture could change me. or help me. in some way. so i talked to my teacher and my supervisor to get excused. just to watch this lecture. and so i went. I was kinda scared going to see it alone. there was no one there encouraging me to go. or discouraging me to go. it was strange doing something out of my own will. it was different. i was alone on this. but i felt good. however i still wished i had someone to go with. just for moral support. anyway i went in there. and came out inspired. he was an african artist who helps poor children in his home town by turning negative events into positive ones through art. (in a nutshell) and his parents had the same views as mine did when i was a kid; artists dont make money and they rather have me be a doctor or something.
and i know that still holds true. artists don’t make shit. but you don’t become an artist for the money. and you don’t go into psychology to make money either. you do it because you love it, you’re good at it, you have talent and you want to share this with everyone else. so in terms of finance, im fucked. I think in the past, i was driven by money. i wanted to be rich. and successful. but now i just want to be happy with what i do for the rest of my life. because after you graduate, all you’re going to be doing is work until you’re old and wrinkly. And i rather do something that means something to me and others, other than money.
BUT. my ultimate dream is to be a good mom. and i wish i could just be a stay at home mom. at least until my kids grow up. then i’ll get a job. but i dunno, with this economy, im probably going to have to bring hoem some kind of income along with my husband.
UNLESS HES RICH. but still, i’d feel safer if i was more independent and had my own income. SO with all that said (wow bird walk) i feel really good about the path im on right now. This artist was an example of “making it” like… a success story. there was something he said that struck me. “Where there is fear, there is no hope. Where there is hope, there is no fear” i found this to be true. for me anyways. sometimes we get scared of what will happen to us. sometimes we doubt ourselves, and don’t believe in ourselves for whatever reason: im not good enough, i dont have the talent, there are better people out there than me, im not capable, im not competent. and we lose hope this way. I found myself at one point listing all the bad things about me and my life. it just brought me down thinking about it. i’d scare chad sometimes. because i’d be crying at night. and he wouldn’t know why. i’d just tell him i was stressed. But i forgot to count all the good things, the blessings in my life. So i listed them the morning after i had my breakdown. while i was brushing my teeth. and i felt so much better. about everything. and i wasn’t scared anymore, just hopeful. its weird how something as small and random as an artist’s lecture could affect me in this way. but stuff like this adds up. and someday it’ll lead me to where i want to be. hopefully.
kay enough of my rant. im going to do some homework. HEH!
all of my cousins
had someone to hold hands with tonight. and i was alll arone…..
wait. except for M.A. heh. HAHAHAA.
Woah @-justinrecio! I din’t know you and Steve were homeboys!
Steve is not my homeboy. He’s a fuckin’ bitch.
If justinrecio did not exist, this would not be funny to me; nor would any other tree joke he’s posted.
(via justinrecio)
yes.
always forgive!
but never forget:
Remember what he/she did; learn from it and you wont make the same mistake twice.
(Source: stevieieie, via loveyourchaos)
“Now get your ASS back in there and watch WILLY-FUCKING-WONKA”
— Nancy from Weeds
